(I have my own personal soundtrack, you know.)
I used to think I was pretty good at dealing with change, but I realized, I just haven’t really had to much. I’m actually pretty terrible at it. In crisis situations, I think I can be pretty calm, but it’s really kind of a facade. In crisis I don’t think super clearly, and I push for the fastest solution, which may not always be the best solution.
My car broke down, and I had to either spend a fortune I don’t have to fix it and hope it doesn’t break down again, or purchase a new vehicle, which I also can’t afford. I opted for the latter, and I got a great deal. But, can I just tell you that selling my car was TRAMATIC. It felt a bit like the last straw. I was being stripped of the last vestiges of my life before! (Now I know this is over-dramatic, but I’m just telling you what it felt like.) And, truly, it isn’t the last vestige. I have made some very, very big changes in the last few years, and most of them have been good. It feels like change is becoming the constant. And, I reached my limit when I had to clean out my car and leave it sitting there all by it’s lonely self in the parking lot. I cried out loud when we drove away! I know. It’s just a car. I liked having four-wheel drive and a full spare tire on the back, with lots of interior space. I know the precise volume of the car and how to fit all of my earthly possessions snugly inside. It was the kind of car that ran well until it had catastrophic failure (like the starter, or the radiator), but I forgave it for that. It was sparkly blue with grey interior, and I kept it well groomed wearing Tommy scented leaves around the rear view mirror.
Somehow this post turned into Ode to Car. The point is I now have a black (I think the color is growing on me), functional, small commuter car, that is lovely to drive, better gas mileage, and much quieter. Overall, probably an improvement. But, I miss my car.
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